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So here is something new... an actual content filled post - Surge
October 2009
 
 
 
 
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Wed, Oct. 14th, 2009 12:52 pm
So here is something new... an actual content filled post

I say it is irony that it has been almost 8 months (1 day short) since my last post that had actual content really in it. It was 8 months ago that we saw Slumdog together. It was 8 months since we started dating. Now we are done. It is over, and a part of me knows it is the right thing to do, the other still yearns for her to be here with me.

The break-up was sudden. It has been filled with turmoil, drama, anger, and lies.



From my point-of-view, my reasoning, I ended it with her because of how she has been the past couple of months. She would have these extended gazes where she looked like a deer in headlights. I would try to get her to open up and communicate with me. I would try to find out what is wrong so I could do my part as the boyfriend and help. Yet the response was always the same. It was that there was nothing wrong. But me being me, I didn't believe it, and pursued the questioning, ultimately resulting in a fight starting from her, and her unloading on me after weeks of questioning her what is wrong. Usually it ended with us coming to a resolution with her saying she will try harder to communicate with me. End result, it never happened.

Another point was her desire to move forward in life. She complained about her job. She complained about her weight. She complained about where she was in life. Yet when we talked about it, she didn't care to apply herself to updating her resume, she didn't care to work out, she didn't want to work to move forward. She always said she wanted a sugar-daddy in her life, and I told her that it was something that I couldn't and wouldn't do. I tried to get her to give me her resume, so we could work on it together and try to help her find something she enjoyed doing. I tried to get her to workout with me; I know I'm not in the greatest of shapes, and wanted to change that with her. Nothing ever came of it. When we talked last, she said that part of her becoming distant was that I tried to hard to help change all of this. I don't believe I did. I believe she didn't want any help, she was complacent and was using this as a cover for her real issues at hand.

The last major point is the icing on the cake. I had encouraged her to spend more time with my friends. My friends who had become her friends. I was okay with this. I wanted her to come out more with my friends and me, and wanted her to be comfortable. I hoped this would also let me get to know her friends as well. I asked her to hang out more with Heather, Travis, John, Jack, Jessie, Katie, and soforth. She was hesitant at first. But she did. She spent time with Travis, Jack and Jessie. Unfortunately, as I said earlier, it was the icing. Towards the end of our relationship, she spent more and more time with Jack. Flags were going up everywhere on this, and my being the nice guy that I am, trying to believe that they were just friends. She developed an attraction to him. I don't know when it happened exactly.
She says she doesn't know, but I don't believe her. They would spend time together at steak dinners, my thought was, whatever, I don't eat steak, she loves it, she can have her fun eating it with a friend of mine, and it will be fine. They ended up spending more and more time together going up and down stone mountain, watching internet videos on youtube. The last major thing they did together was a trip up to NYC together. He had a fall break from school coming up, and she could take time off. I leave for NYC today, and was not able to bring her with me. Also when we started dating, she told me that she hated NYC. She had hated it without ever being there. I tried to convince her otherwise, and had no luck. So it was a breath of fresh air that she was interested in visiting, and I was sad that I wasn't going to be there. It is a moot point now. It was during this trip that Jack had developed an attraction to her. It was during this trip that he says it went downhill for him. Before this trip, he had only the thought to go with a friend. After the trip, he had developed a connection/bond/attraction to her that he says he still can't shake.

The break-up: Sunday while I was at work I was asked what I was doing, whether or not I was working. She informed me via text she is going to stone mountain with Jack. Then I am asked if I was interested in watching the Toy Story double feature after their trek up and down the mountain via text. So finally, I get a call from her when she got off of work saying she was going to the mountain, and the movie was at 7:30. I knew they weren't going to be back in time for the movie, and at 7:20 I got a call saying they were done, and I was right. So dinner became the next option. We met up at Figo, and I knew something was up. Both Jack and Anli were acting weird. I tried to pay little attention to Jack on that, and was trying to find out what was going on with Anli. We went from Figo to Octane to The Local that night. On the drives to Octane and then to The Local, Anli was cold, distant, and weird. I tried to hold her hand, and I had no response from her. I tried to talk to her, and got nothing. I forgot to mention, but when I arrived at Figo, I didn't get a hug, a kiss, or even a hi from her. At The Local, is when I realized when I had enough. When I decided to pour her beer for her, she spazzed out. So when Jack left for the restroom, I asked her what the fuck was going on, why she was being this way, and her response was that she didn't want to have this conversation now. I left a little later after that.
The next day, I got a text from her asking me when I was going to be free. I told her I was free now, and she said she would see me in an hour because she was eating. Eating with Jack and Dan. She showed up around 6:20, left 20 minutes later. She tried to say she wanted to take a break, and before she could say anything I ended it with her. I told her I was done, I was tired of having the same argument with her about her not talking to me. I was tired of being the only one trying to make this work. I asked her What the fuck happened, when it happened, and WHO. She said she started to lose interest in me in the past few months, and she doesn't know why. When she got to the WHO part, she said nobody, then she said, "Wait, it is Jack." I told her to get out. About 20 minutes later I called Jack, and asked him if anything happened in NYC, and he said no, and if he had feelings for her, and he said yes, so I hung up on him. I got no sleep that night. I had massive headaches all night long. Anytime I closed my eyes, my mind was too loud and I opened my eyes. When I did that, the headache was just intensified.
Yesterday I was sent home early from work because of what was going on, and the fact that I had to work WITH Jack didn't make it any easier. Anli came by yesterday to pick up her shit, and there was me talking to her for a couple of hours. She responded and spoke very little, though I was giving her every opportunity to tell me what the fuck happened and why she didn't talk to me about anything. Why she never tried in the relationship, and let it just drive itself in to the ground. She didn't try to make it work. She also didn't try to end it sooner. She had lost all motivation, and was in it to be in it. She knows that I have told her the best thing she can do is never to come around me, the Apple crew, and Jack if she ever cared about me, cares about Jack. The only way that people at work are going to respect him is if she is out of his life all together. The ball is in her court now.

I also had a conversation with Jack yesterday. The short of it is he is confused, and lost right now. He has an attraction to my now ex-girlfriend, and wants to pursue it. Yet he knows that if he does, he will lose my friendship all together and the loss of respect from others. I won't be able to work with him in the same store, and will have to transfer. Those terms are non-negotiable. Yet if he loses connection from the bitch, the friendship may be salvageable, and I may stay at the store. The ball is also in his court now. What he does will determine what I do, and how others will also act.

Yes I called her a bitch. I believe she has earned that title. Along with the titles of Whore, Immature, Homewrecker, and heartbreaker.

I have re-posted my first post about her below.


Confused

So, I don't know what to do right now. Tonight was the third night that I hung out with Anli in the past two weeks. Last week it was just coffee.

Yesterday was I was supposed to go to one of my Aunt and Uncle's place for dinner, and the birthday celebration we do for my little cousin, her mom, my other uncle, and me. I ended up passing out for a nap, and got woken up by a phone call from one of my uncles. It wasn't until 10 minutes later that I also missed a text message from Anli. I didn't want to text her while driving, so I called her up. She said she was bored, and wanted to hang out, cool I think. We ended up seeing Slumdog Millionaire, great movie BTW. I got home around 3am, didn't go to bed till 4.

Today I get a call from her asking what I was doing, and we ended up going to Figo for dinner, then an Anti-Valentines Day art show that a friend of mine had his art in. It was an interesting show, entertaining. We aren't tired, so we decided to continue tonight by going to Cafe Intermezzo. The wait there is 45 minutes or so, and we had been standing for a while at the art show. Mainly she was standing in heels there, and had to walk through gravel in her heels, so instead of standing around waiting for a seat at Cafe, she suggested we go to my car and sit and wait. It was a good idea, so we went to my car. There, we were listening to some music, and Wax Tailor was playing. It was then that I got in the mood to watch Casablanca. Now, if you ever listen to Que Sera by Wax Tailor, you will understand why. She thought it was a good idea, and so we came home, and watched.

Nothing happened except that. She passed out for a little bit during the movie, but whatever. After the movie was over, we spent the next hour talking about random stuff with Travis. Somewhere in that conversation, it came up that I didn't know what I was doing tomorrow (Sunday). She suggested we hang out again Sunday. I am cool with that. The thing is, I can't get a read for this girl, I don't know if she is interested in me, or if she is just wanting to hang out.

She is a very cute/attractive girl. Different type of personality than what would be considered the norm, as she is one who doesn't really listen to music.... Weird I know, but that is the case. I asked her what a few of her favorite musicians/artists were, and her response was that she doesn't really listen to music. I don't know what to do or say, cause well, that's something that I find and hold close to me. It is a challenge, and well, I like that. Anyways, I see her tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it. I'm digging this girl, and well, not pursuing as hard as I have in the past, and well, its a weird position for me to be in. She has made the past few contacts, or initiatives to hang out, and well, its new for me.


So here I am, on the raggedy edge of space. I hate this feeling. I loathe it. I miss her though. I really do. It was a fun ride for the most part. It felt nice to have someone again. I do miss it. I know in the long run, it is good that it ended when it did. Where the road will lead me I do not know, but I travel knowing that I have friends like John, Heather, Travis, Jessie, Katie, Norm, Holly, and a few others who I will not name that came out of the woodwork on for me. So back to square one. Back to the basics.

I aim to misbehave...

Tags:
Current Location: United States, Georgia, Atlanta
Current Mood: Sad, angry, depressed, alone
Current Music: Mutemath - Armistice album

4CommentReplyShare

thetopdown
thetopdown
k a r y n . m a r i e
Wed, Oct. 14th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)

we haven't talked in forever, but i am so, so sorry that this happened to you. you deserve so much better, suraj. i hope so much that you can make peace with this, and that both of them have karma kick them in the shins.


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jordanhollya
jordanhollya
Holly A. Jordan
Thu, Oct. 15th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)

i know i'm currently talking to you anyways, but it can't hurt to have more *HUGGGGSSSSSSS*


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kexapush
kexapush
Sun, Apr. 10th, 2011 02:37 am (UTC)

That is really helpful. It provided me a number of ideas and I'll be placing them on my web site eventually. I'm bookmarking your blog and I'll be back. Thanks again!


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yisalake
yisalake
Fri, Apr. 15th, 2011 02:26 am (UTC)

Great work keep it coming, best blog on earth


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